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    Are you a Parent now living in a Stepfamily, maybe out of no choice of your own but merely as a result of your ex- remarrying? Or do you feel constantly torn between your new spouse and your kids? 

    Divorce causes a family structure to rupture. While a lot of focus is placed on stepparents, biological parents also experience strain when transitioning into, and living within, stepfamily life. Success for Steps® and Christina Roach believe it is important to acknowledge these experiences, along with those of stepparents and stepchildren. Even though many biological parents do not choose to be in a stepfamily, the remarriage of their former spouse forces them into certain ‘step’ relationships. And even when a biological parent remarries they often find themselves in a tug-a-war between their new spouse and their kids, feeling that no matter what they do they can't make either happy. 

    If you find yourself experiencing any of the common complaints below you should know that you are not alone. These complaints are the remnants of the stepfamily architecture and are not the result of any one individual. If you find yourself having trouble adjusting to your new family dynamics, are overcome with anger and increased irritability, contact Christina Roach to see how you may benefit from her services.

    Common Complaints of Single Mothers with Custody (Lofas, 2004, p. 34-35) 

    1. I have all the daily burdens and then he gets the kids every other weekend and takes them on great vacations with his girlfriend.
    2. I feel that I have too much responsibility with not enough money to handle it.
    3. When the kids visit him he plays with them. He is the classic Disneyland Dad.
    4. The kids are treated like princes and princesses. They never have to help.
    5. My living standard has plummeted as his continues to increase.
    6. The children are my responsibility. He does so little to discipline or guide them.
    7. His payments are late, yet he expects me to have the kids well dressed and on time when he wants them.
    8. Why shouldn’t I bad-mouth him to the kids? They deserve to know how awful he is.
    9. I hardly have time to date, and who wants a woman with kids?
    10. He married this young thing and the kids say they can’t stand her.
    11. Who is she to tell my children what to do?
    12. I would never talk to her.
    13. He hasn’t got a good word to say about all those years I raised our children.
    14. We have very little contact. He picks them up and honks the horn.

    Common Complaints of Fathers of Divorce and Step  (Lofas, 2004, p. 15-16)

    1. She knew I had children when she married me, so why does she act this way now?
    2. In so much of what she says to the children there is an edge of nastiness in her voice.
    3. She acts more like a child than they do.
    4. She wants a baby and she can’t even handle my children.
    5. She’s obsessed by everything my former wife does.
    6. Will she ever understand how hard it is on a man to lose his children?
    7. Will she ever know how haunted I am by the guilt of not being there?
    8. How can she expect me to discipline them when I see then so little?
    9. I’m afraid they will go and never come back if I start punishing them.
    10. She sees things they do that I never see.
    11. Sometimes I think she is looking to find the worst in them.
    12. Of course my ex has control over me; she controls my children.
    13. My ex makes me out to be the monster in front of the children.
    14. My money can never go far enough. Nor is it ever in the right place.
    15. Sometimes I get so hurt by her leaving all day when my kids are here.


    Lofas, J. (2004). Stepparenting; everything you need to know to make it work. New York, NY: Kensington Publishing Corp. 

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