Are you Feeling Forgotten as a Stepfather?
Just as being a stepmom can be hard, so too can being a stepdad. While it is easy to recall stories depicting stepmothers, the plight of the stepfather is often overlooked. Needless to say, resources for stepdads are minimal compared to those available for stepmothers. This lack of attention placed on the role of the stepfather can lead many men to feel ‘left out’ and misunderstood. While this is an unfortunate reality, men may end up thinking they’re alone and that no one cares about what he is experiencing.
No man should have to walk this path alone. With her extensive training in stepfamily dynamics, Christina Roach, MA, NCC, can offer supportive guidance and coaching to men in their journey in, or becoming, a stepfather. Step-parenting, and yes – stepfathering, can be rewarding. If you share some of the below common complaints of stepfathers, contact Christina Roach and see how her services can be beneficial to you, as well as to you and your partner.
Common Complaints of Stepfathers (Dr. Jeannette Lofas, The Stepfamily Foundation)
- Here she is all alone with her kids, I come along to put things in some order and they all reject me.
- I can’t teach them what they need to learn from a man because she doesn’t support me.
- She always jumps to the kids’ defense when I correct them.
- She says I’m too tough; kids who misbehave need someone to be tough with them.
- I give her kids the gift of my time and no one says thank you.
- They’re fresh, don’t help her and never, unless I raise my voice, listen to me.
- A man needs to be an authority figure in the home; I feel like the houseboy.
- It’s her house, the kids were there before me and they let me know that.
- My wife treats me like an outsider when it comes to the kids.
- They need a man around here, and she and they won’t let me be one.
- I buy the kids stuff and they rarely say thank you.
- She is too busy with her job and her kids for me.
- There is so much tension in the house when the kids are here.
- I love her so much when we’re alone and her kids are at their father’s house.
- People write about the plight of the stepmother. What about the stepfather? Who acknowledges what I am feeling?
- I feel like a third wheel when I’m with her and her kids.
Lofas, J. (2004). Stepparenting; everything you need to know to make it work. New York, NY: Kensington Publishing Corp. (Cited from page 25 of referenced text).